Dear Charlton Heston's Teeth,

Wow! You are indeed a hefty set of chompers!

I know that Chuck had quite a dominant jawbone, but still I am frankly amazed that his face was able to contain you at all. Having just watched you in Planet of the Apes, a film in which you feature prominently thanks to Hessie's penchant for baring his teeth and snarling angrily at ... well ... just about anything, I am convinced that you should have been given credit of your own.

Now it's quite possible that you will now feature in a week's worth of nightmares -- me running from a set of enormous incisors, me being crushed by gigantic molars, Charltie's face looming before me and me unsure whether he's merely smiling or whether I'm about to be eaten -- but I don't entirely blame you. After all, you were just doing your job.

I'm sure that somewhere you lie at rest with Charlton's remains and I can only imagine that some day in the future, children will explore the countryside, point to a rugged rock formation, and say to one another, "See that ridge? That's where they buried Charlton Heston. They say his teeth are the last to go, and that they lie just beneath the surface right over there, yelling at the sky in one last example of over-acting."

Sincerely,

Me